9 Daily Habits for a Strong and Long Lasting Relationship*
First comes love, then comes marriage. But what happens in between?
For many of us hopeless romantics, our love life has become synonymous to a never-ending rollercoaster. Some ups- but mostly many, many scary downs…straight to a dead end full of the red flags we’ve collected along the way. I’ve had my fair share of “I can change him” relationships, immensely infatuated affairs masked as a fairytales, and best of all, the “He’s THE ONE for me” only to find out you were just “A ONE of many” for him.
Subconsciously or intentionally, we all hunt for the right love. And it’s hard, and it’s work, and it’s rare. But when we find it, and I mean, when we really find it; all we want is for it to last. Here are 9 daily habits proven to build a strong, trusting, and long-lasting romantic relationship!
1. Tell each other how you feel.
We’ve heard this one time and time again…which is why I wanted to mention it first and get it out of the way. Ready? Let’s say it together: Communication. Is. Key. Humans, we are complex beings. Put two complex beings next to one another, and you have a fiasco. Talking to your partner about your thoughts and feelings is a fundamental step in ensuring a strong relationship, because news flash: your partner can’t read your mind. Or your body language. Or your silent treatment. Or your huffing-puffing. (Okay, they can hear that, but it’s not the point.) Build up of emotions that have not been addressed usually lead to layers of tension that cause further harm to your relationship and send signs of distrust. Good communication shows your partner that you acknowledge their ability to hear you out and take you seriously. Plus, you don’t always need to communicate the bad. Often times, we forget that we should actively communicate the good things we’re grateful for, too!
USE IT: Next time your partner does something you like, or don’t like— let them know. If it’s a sensitive topic, make sure it’s the right time, and the right place, and bring it up in a subjective way that doesn’t aim to attack, but rather to solve.
2. Be authentic in all that you do.
Don’t conceal who you truly are, out of fear of being judged. This isn’t about landing a one-night stand. This is about building a strong and lasting relationship. And that starts with a real and honest friendship. When partners reveal themselves in the most raw and open way on a daily basis, this authenticity promotes transparency which creates deeply meaningful and fulfilling personal connections. Those of us who trust each other to be accepting and non-judging feel secure in revealing feelings and experiences on an ongoing basis. Trust is earned out of a long history of acceptance. And through this acceptance, your bond will serve as the solid foundation you need, in order to build something beautiful together.
USE IT: No one is perfect, and your partner should not expect you to be either. And vice-versa. It’s okay to disagree, it’s okay to have different beliefs, and it’s okay to be yourself; flaws and all. That’s where true love, truly comes in.
3. Pick your battles.
Conflicts are an inevitable part of relationships. Heck, they’re healthy even! But life, and relationships, and marriage, are hard as it is. So, try to keep your relationship as light and easy as you can by choosing your battles wisely to avoid unnecessary conflict. This “zen” approach will bring more happiness and ease to your relationship than you could imagine. My grandmother once told me, “my dear, sometimes for a lasting marriage, you’re going to have to close your eyes to certain things.” If you can compromise, then let it slide. And sometimes, it’s best just to agree to disagree!
USE IT: The next time your partner does something petty and annoying; just let it slide. Even if it bothers you momentarily, just trust that they don’t mean harm. You’re better off being understanding than over-demanding.
4. Make time for one another, daily.
Considering our high paced lifestyle these days, we often forget to plug in some unplugged “YOU&I” time that will continue to deepen your connection. As busy as your schedules are, its important not to let the time you spend together be the time clouded with work, errands, or when you’re surrounded with family and friends. I mean, real one-on-one time: to talk, ask each other questions, show affection, and reconnect to one another in the most basic form. If you can’t engage and entertain one another without a third-party (TV show, friends, your phone) then you can’t expect your relationship to remain meaningful and long-lasting.
USE IT: Schedule in some time to be together without any distractions. Ask them how they’re feeling in life, what they’re grateful for, what they might need support with. You can recall funny memories you’ve shared, or recount stories from your past. You can even sing together, give one another a massage, go for a walk or a drive, or just simply sit in silence and enjoy each other’s company.
5. And also, make time for yourself.
You’ve surely heard the, “Put your mask on first, before putting on someone else’s.” And that’s valid here too. For a fulfilling and healthy relationship, its very important to be secure, confident, and self-satisfied first. Creating “me” time will add so much richness to “we” time because you will have so much more to offer to your partner. Self-care brings out the best version of you, the one that is ready to commit and to enjoy the relationship optimally. If we cloud our lives with personal issues and self-dissatisfaction, we can’t expect our relationship to thrive in the long-run.
USE IT: Take some time out of your day for self-care activities. These can include reading, going to the gym, playing sports, going for a facial or doing at-home treatments, whatever enriches your life and makes you feel good. And, you should encourage your partner to do the same, too!
6. It’s in the little things.
For men or for women, the little things are most often times, the bigger things. The little things are reminders that you are willing to go out of your way to make the other person feel important, loved, cared for, respected, and admired. Even the simplest of gestures convey so much emotion, because it shows effort; and effort, ladies and gentleman, is the most charming trait of all. Time is our most valued commodity, and if your partner spends their time, even if it takes them a split-second, to make you smile, then that’s worth everything.
USE IT: Compliment your partner. Express your gratitude. Reach out and show affection. Surprise them with a love note. Do something for your partner, just because. And don’t forget to sprinkle some genuine and heartfelt “I love you”s here and there when they least expect it.
7. You don’t need to kill routine to revive romance.
As much as it’s great to spice things up with some spontaneity, it’s also nice to build rituals with your loved one. Rituals provide a sense of security and balance in a relationship, that will help relieve stress in your day to day. Whether this is cooking dinner together every night, or planning a holiday once a year, having a routine grounds the relationship and makes you look forward to this time, together. My partner and I always look forward to our pillow talk routine because it puts us in the best mood, and brings us closer every night. We also thoroughly enjoy our condo cleaning routine together because we make it entertaining and fun—and the job gets done 2x as quick!
USE IT: Whether its Sunday meal preps, or walking your dog, make it enjoyable! Teaching each other something new and building happy habits and routines together will pay off in the long run when things aren’t as “new” and “exciting” anymore. It’s up to you to bring the best out out of every moment together!
8. Listen. Listen. Listen.
And by listen, I don’t mean “hear”. I mean listen. Properly and actively listening to your partners needs, likes, dislikes and feelings is crucial to building a long lasting relationship. It’s been said that one of the most common reasons people see therapists is to have their stories heard. The main thing serious partners look for in one another is support, and the key to offering this support stems from being a good listener, empathizing, and offering a safe environment refrained from judgement. This will also allow a more open and trusting foundation for some inevitably serious conversations that will come up throughout your long-term relationship.
USE IT: Next time your partner confines in you, or opens up about a personal situation, try listening to understand, rather than listening to respond.
9. Flirt, always flirt.
Spicing things up can sometimes feel like the hardest task. Where do you start? To what lengths should you go? Is it even possible to still be attracted after X long years? The answer is, absolutely, and the fact is; you probably stopped flirting with one another. Lucky for you this daily habit is one of the easiest and most promising solutions to safeguarding chemistry. Bring back some of your earliest memories of getting to know one another: the mystery, the sensuality, the tease, the flirting, oh the flirting! You want to keep a bit of this “I just met you” attraction throughout your relationship, if you want to ensure as much fire-y chemistry as your early days!
